In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize