Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Randomize
