Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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