I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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