what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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