whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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