Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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