I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
