He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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