Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
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