I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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