Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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