you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Just pee around me
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize