there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
