I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
