if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Randomize
