opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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