Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
