just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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