I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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