Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Church boner. Awkwardddd
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
