I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
