You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Randomize
