She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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