Pregnant stripper...not hot.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
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