Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
