Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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