Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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