yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Randomize
