I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
