found the other keg... it's in the tree
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
