I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
