I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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