Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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