so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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