I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
