I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
