hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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