good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
