he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize