unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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