i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
