I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
