Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize