Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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