Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize