so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
