it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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