it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
