Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Duck Duck Cougar?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize