his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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