man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
