Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
