There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
