Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
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