I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
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