paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
