I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
we're making bets on your personal life
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
my liver is dry heaving
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
