how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
