I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
