I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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