and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
