The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
