We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
